Suddenly So Alive
by Ellie12
Summary: With a jolt, she startled wide awake. It hadn't been a nightmare; she didn't feel afraid or stressed. In fact, she felt wide awake and wildly alive. She felt wonderful. June 2019 HanLeia Challenge submission


With a jolt, she startled wide awake. Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to assess her mental state, even as Han blearily patted her hip and muttered "S'okay, s'okay" a few times before seeming to fall back asleep.

And it was okay. It hadn't been a nightmare; she didn't feel afraid or stressed. In fact, she felt wide awake and wildly alive. She felt _wonderful_.

A glance at the chrono by the bed revealed it was 0328. Hardly a normal time to be feeling that way, with barely four hours sleep. She'd been planning to sleep in, given that it was an off-day and for once they had no plans or obligations. Just a quiet, lazy morning at home, extra time in bed and breakfast together that consisted of more than a hasty cup of kaffe before dashing out the door.

Instead, at least four hours ahead of plan, she was fully awake. Closing her eyes, she tried to use a meditative exercise Luke had taught her to quiet her mind back to restfulness, but it seemed that the Force was what was crackling through her like a live wire. Tentatively, she reached out, tried to follow where it flowed, uncertain at her own underdeveloped talent, as it seemed to lead back to her.

To her, awake and alert to herself and suddenly so alive. What was going on with her body?

_Alive_, the thought stuck in her mind. So alive.

Taking another deep breath, she consciously slowed her racing mind and heart. Only then did she reach out again with the Force, trying to understand this new sensation. It was always complicated; she didn't experience or manipulate the Force in the same way as Luke did, so they'd had to forge new understandings of what he thought he knew as he taught her fundamentals. As he discovered other Force sensitive beings, they'd come to realize that interaction with the Force was highly personal, unique to each being. She would have to understand this for herself.

She tried to follow the energy of the Force as it flowed around her, lapping like waves, cascades of energy washing over her, amplifying her natural experience. But from the sharp crescendo that had jolted her awake, it seemed to steady, ebb from a tsunami into a gentle ripple. Present, different than how she normally perceived the energy, yet warm, almost welcoming.

After a few minutes, Han rolled over again, fingers trailing slowly along her arm. "Y'all right?"

"I'm...yes, I'm all right. Are you awake?"

"D'I need t'be?" One eye glinted open in the dim room as he shifted closer, hand wrapping around her bicep now, giving her a squeeze.

"You might want to be."

"Okay, Sweetheart. What's going on? You need to talk?" He propped himself up on one elbow and blinked, then gazed down at her. He'd listened to her in the small hours of the night more times than either of them could count; she'd done the same for him a few hundred times.

"We should. You're going to think this sounds crazy but—"

"Nah. Crazy is usually my department."

"Well, you may have something to do with it. I _think_ I just became pregnant."

Recently, they'd been discussing it, had agreed that they both wanted children, might be as ready for them now as they would ever be. And while they weren't quite trying to have a baby yet, they'd also ceased active prevention, deciding to see what fate brought them in the coming year.

"Just?" His brow furrowed. "Like _now_?"

"Like five minutes ago."

"I was _asleep_ five minutes ago."

She laughed a little, tension broken for her, even if he still looked deeply perplexed. "Conception isn't instantaneous, Han. It takes time for things to find their way together, to actually join into new life. I think that's what woke me up. I think I felt it happen."

"Felt it happen...inside you? Women can feel that?" One hand reached up to scratch his head, and the furrow on his brow deepened. He was trying, she could see that, but usually when roused from sound sleep by her, he mostly had to listen and make occasional affirmational statements. This was requiring a lot more processing.

"Not all women, no. Force sensitive females, perhaps." Her own face smoothed as she let the feeling envelop her once more, tried to better understand it herself so she could explain it to him. There was suddenly _more_ to the Force than there had been before, more flowing into her rather than around her.

"Oh. Oh, that's—that must have felt…. You can feel it now, already?"

"I _think_ it's what I'm feeling. I'm not sure, no one alive has any experience with this, and the Jedi—"

"Tell me what it feels like." He lay back down beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist carefully, sounding awed. His lips brushed her temple as his head settled next to hers on the pillow.

"Well, it's…" she paused, turning to face him, and took the time to return his kiss with one of her own, light on his lips, as she struggled to find adequate words. "Normally, the Force is sort of there, in the background, and I don't really notice it. Like the sound of the engine drives in hyperspace?"

He nodded, and she was glad she'd gone with a metaphor he'd understand.

"What woke me up felt like being launched into hyper from a standstill. All the energy was suddenly throttled up."

They were quiet for a moment, as he processed and she searched for a way to continue.

"Maybe we shoulda done this on the Falcon," he broke the silence, an edge of laughter in his voice.

"I believe we determined the bunk on the Falcon was too confining for what we did this evening. I nearly got a concussion—"

"That was an accident! 'Sides, there's more places on the Falcon than just the bunk, as you well know."

They were both quiet for a few heartbeats, then she sighed as that tingle of energy washed over her again. She tried to feel something more, something specific, something holding a hint of Han's presence too. Shaking her head, she exhaled heavily.

"I'm not even certain this is really...maybe I'm just…" she trailed off. "Maybe I'm being silly. It could be something else. It was just an explosion of energy, flowing around and in to me. I don't know how else to…."

"Would Luke know?"

"I am not comming my brother in the middle of the night to ask if he thinks I'm pregnant. I'm not sure he'd be able to tell from halfway across the galaxy, anyway."

"He could come back here, see what he thinks."

"He's a Jedi, not a pregnancy test. Besides, til he'd get back here, the tests they have in Medical would be able to tell us for sure. We just need to wait a little more than mere hours after the fact."

"Yeah? How soon can we learn that you're right?"

"You're already so certain?" She was riddled with doubt, but hopeful. Luke always told her to trust in her feelings, and they were definitely telling her something momentous.

"I believe in you." A few tendrils of her hair had fallen in her face, and he tucked them back behind her ear as he considered. "This mean the kid's going to have the Force, too?"

"Medical should be able to tell me something in a week. But it's just a cell-a few cells, maybe? It's really too soon to tell what kind of sensitivity would be present. Everyone has a presence in the Force, whether they can manipulate it or not. You know I can feel you." One hand trailed down from his shoulder to rest over his heart, reassuring and steady.

He closed the distance between them with a deep kiss, fingers tangling in her hair and his thumb tracing her jaw. "I'll make something celebratory for breakfast."

"It's too early for breakfast. We've got hours before then."

"Then you should go back to sleep."

Even though he couldn't see her in the darkness, she rolled her eyes. "Don't start coddling me already. I'm only-_possibly_-hours pregnant."

"Is that a no on the omelettes then?" His fingers drummed lightly along her collarbone.

"Oh, it's very much a yes on the omelette."

"You wanna make real sure you're right? Double your luck?" His lips replaced his fingers on her collarbone, dipping lower, tantalizing.

Humming, she didn't respond for a moment, then yawned. "Sorry. Maybe I do want to go back to sleep."

"Thought you didn't want to be coddled." His lips trailed along her neck lazily, then he yawned himself.

"Sleep now. We've got hours later for the rest." She snuggled closer to him, burying her face in the curve of his shoulder.

He just wrapped his arms around her a little tighter in agreement, and as she felt the energy flowing through her stabilize around them, she drifted off to sleep with him.


End file.
